This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
A+ Viking dick
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
