literally had 100 drinks last night.
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
