She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Randomize
