Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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