i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
so let's talk penis.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
