I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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