remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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