I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
