pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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