That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
