You made me cry and you don't even care
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
