Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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