i wish there were pregnant emoticons
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
