i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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