im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
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