New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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