Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
