I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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