After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Of course I have a pirate flag
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Randomize
