There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
