So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Randomize
