He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
