My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
