Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Randomize
