you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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