I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
