dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
