"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Randomize
