You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
