Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
