New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
it's like heaven, but drunker
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
