I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Randomize
