I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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