Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
