There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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