my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
