dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
