I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
This is my gift to your gina
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
