You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
