You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
