hotel room ftw
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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