your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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