I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
