smell my finger.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
