I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Randomize
