I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Randomize
