this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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