lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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