I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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