dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
